Beautifully Free

Its 2010, and I feel GoOD. All the things I have been thinking, praying and speaking are slowing coming to fruition. I now know what people mean when they say, "GOD means it [the bad stuff] for your GoOD." Now if you caught the pun (play on words) there, it makes sense. All the so-called bad things I've been through, I see how it can allow me to help others or how it has allowed me to help others. In a career where I have people looking to me for guidance, support and any semblance of something 'real,' I can truly begin to see why I went through those things. In the spirit of one of my favorite U.S. presidents, John F. Kennedy, I agree that the question we must begin to ask instead, is why not, me? What is God preparing me to do? What am I preparing to do with all this stuff I'm learning in life? Use it to improve my life and be happy? or hoard it?

If you want to create an abundance yourself, you must first create an abundance for others. This will enable the classic univeral law of karma...what goes around.....idea. If you believe, then you will receive. The classic flaw of most humans is doubt and fear. It acts like a fog and hovers in your mind.It keeps you from your true desires and happiness because we have been programmed since birth to be afraid. I believe the opposite of love is fear. If God is Love, what is fear? Is fear its antithesis? Is it the evil one? Equal yet the same....ying and yang...balance. So, not hate but fear is its opposite. Emotions that make you feel bad come from fear, emotions that make you feel good come from love? The proverbial devil/angel on your shoulder--your conscious helping you decide what to do next? Think about it.....the loud voice that scares you back into submission away from your dreams.....the doubts and questions come next----And its normal. human. Yet, the difficult decision comes adding the pros and cons instead of just focusing on the negative. Pretend its someone elses money and be business-minded even in your personal life----is the juice worth the squeeze? What will I possibly lose/gain? How can I recover? Then, we decide or we allow past experiences to immediately dictate our future choices, and that too, is human. As long as we are remain accountable for our decisions, then move forward.

This world will tell you who you are or supposed to be.....that you are wrong, bad, ugly, fat, too light, too dark, too short, too tall, too independent, poor, rich, successful, free, etc. We have to set our own rules..our own standards. Who decides for you? Who controls your mind? Your friends, TV, internet, parent(s), even your own guilt or bitterness. Guilt will make people quiet. Both can turn you into that empty vessel person that I wrote about in "Loving Me..." So, I choose to be 'Beautifully Free'

Beautifully Free is who I am. It is simply being the you, you were created to be. Living the life and enjoying the journey you have taken. Choosing to be happy. Happiness is a decision just like all the others we make. We choose to allow people into our lives. We choose to allow things to bother or irritate us. The same way we learned to drive, compute algebra equations, read, recall numerous purposeless songs, you can re-learn how to behave and think. This is why I enjoy observing children. Most (before puberty) are beautifully free to be themselves without the dictates and pressures of the world....yet. Their logic is so simple and usually so on point, but we make our lives out of lying to others and most especially, ourselves. However, children never cease to amaze me by embarassing adults with the truth., even me....and its humbling....and it reminds me that I am being watched. I am a role model whether I want to be or not...somebody, better yet, my little brothers and sisters are watching my behavior. Therefore, if a child can do it, so can we. We choose what we do by how we choose to think. In the words a five year old when asked why he was shaking his head in response to a comment his father made. He replied, "Daddy, I had a thought, but it wasn't good, so I had to shake it out." If a child can do it, we, mature, responsible, civilized adults can, too.

Who’s Teaching Your Children?

I remember growing up seeing the commercials that asked parents the infamous question, “Do you know where your children are?” Well, now that we know where our children are located, the all important question that most of us failed to ask, “Do you know Who is teaching your children?” Why are we allowing strangers to teach and mold the minds of OUR children, our babies? If our children are a testament to our legacy, why have we failed to seek this fundamental truth? Who are these “teachers” given to us from our local education system? Do we know how teachers are trained? Who decides what makes a “good teacher”? Let’s put aside the term “highly qualified” because a child molester can be smart, with all the right credentials, but it doesn’t indicate whether or not he/she is a “good” person or a “good” fit to educate our children.

As an educator, we are required to take a few psychology-based courses on child development. These classes convey how humans grow and evolve based on the stimuli in their early child development to adolescence. It only sounds right, huh? However, the business of education tends to negate these teachings because we all know that the idea of standardized tests is a faulty checks and balances system that forces schools to compete for money from the government. In addition, this governmental system curves the national scores based on the highest score attained, which doesn’t say much for our educational standards. Inasmuch, these standardized tests are not based on Bloom’s Taxonomy, which lends itself to more inductive (creative) thinking, rather than deductive (systematic) thinking. Neither is right or wrong, but what are we “training” our children to be: creative beings that are encouraged to create a better world and love themselves in their journey of life or robots that can only do things within a specified paradigm? Most of us have been trained in the latter. This is the reason some of us have difficulty seeing beyond our literal sight. If we can’t see it, we don’t dream. For instance statements such as, “that’s just how the system is” or “we have to do things exactly like this” or “we can’t change this.”

The bible states, “where there is no vision the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18) and we wonder why many students loathe coming to school? They do for the same reason most of us loathe going to our jobs. Simply, creating more people like ourselves who will live “quiet lives of desperation”-Henry D. Thoreau. This is why teens tend to rebel because where before they believed the words of adults, then they begin to see the hypocrisy of it all. Their feelings of frustration grow because they can’t articulate it and their anger sets within them when we fail to admit the truth. It is so sad because we don’t realize how much we hurt ourselves, but we’ve been train to think this is the “way out” when this deductive thinking keeps us “trapped inside” like rats in a barrel of cream, competing. This is why “inner city” “urban youth” don’t respect most authority figures. It is because they see more than we give them credit. The thing that many of us sacrifice (“our righteous mind”), they refuse to do. They do things their way, right or wrong, they follow their minds. They choose not to compete in the system the same as we choose to do, but needless to say, we are both fighting the same fight, just differently. However unified in goal, the adults choose to accept the paradigm that does a dis-service to our youth and sacrifice what we know to be right or “make sense” to what the curriculum states that “the learner will….” It is not appropriate for us to judge how our youth have learned to adapt in a corrupt world when we have not adequately provided any protection for them. First thing first, don’t do that. It is unfair. Second, Socrates stated, “a wise man admits he knows nothing,” and if we admit this we can learn so much more. We can listen to our youth and discover how we can solve this problem, but again, I ask, what are the teacher’s duties? As Denzel Washington’s character in “The Great Debaters” defined the role of the educator, we “…are here to help you to find, take back and keep your righteous mind because obviously you have lost it.” Even in this statement, Washington’s character understands the meaning of education. In ancient Greece, Socrates argued that education was about bringing out what was already within the student. The word education comes from the Latin e-ducere meaning "to lead out." Many contemporary teachers aren’t encouraged to do this because of the importance placed on state standardized tests. As an educator who has taught in the public school system, it is not because they don’t want to, but a simple case of mis-education.

How can we say we care about our children when we know what most of them really need to succeed--Love, Security, Identity, Acceptance. We know they aren't getting it at home. If we want our children to pay attention, we must first satisfy their basic needs. No Child Left Behind isn’t helping; our children are still being left behind. For some, if those basic needs aren't met, then that’s another barrier to keep them from achieving. I ask myself constantly, "What are a teacher's technical duties? And how do these "duties" correlate with the reason most people decide to become teachers?" Or, are the technicalities distracing us from what's really important?

I have seen great teachers bombarded with paperwork on top of the everyday stress of working in "inner city" schools. Let's stop and evaluate OUR situation--what kind of school do we want to have? We all discuss the flaws in the system, but it is OUR fault because we perpetuate it. Our participation sustains it. If we get what we attract, then what are we asking? According to God’s words, “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive” (Matthew 21: 22). So when are we really going to ASK God for what we really desire? If we don’t like our current circumstances, then how are we proactively instituting change? If we want to locate the problem, we need only look in a mirror. Oddly, it is usually the youth who challenge the verity and integrity of rules. Maybe their eyes are still naive and hopeful. I realize that a lot of adults transfer these feelings of failure to our children because we don’t want them to get hurt. However, it is our lack of hope and faith in change that cripples our children, not necessarily the system itself. We must remember not to compete because when we do, in that sense, we lose. The only limitations in life are the ones we create in our minds. It’s strange; as many of us get older, we accept what we once fought against because we have to afford the lifestyle we always dreamed and have acquired. In the day, we transform into robots (“robo” greek for “slave”), however at night, we return to ourselves. Zora Neale Hurston illustrates how this transformation occurs in Their Eyes Were Watching God, “...now, the sun and bossman were gone, so the skins felt powerful and human. They became lords of sounds and lesser things….They sat in judgment.” We sit at home or amongst our peers and complain, hoot and holler about what ills us, but when will we be ready to make the sacrifices to create real change in our lives? We must delight ourselves In the LORD, ”…and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart,” so “let your requests be made known to GOD” (Philippians 4:6). Therefore in all things, “pray without ceasing,” (Thessalonians 5:17) so that we may have the abundant life that Jesus has promised us in John 10:10.

Furthermore, why must we allow strangers to determine how we educate OUR children. Who decides what is taught in the curriculum? What is tested or assessed? What is important for our youth? Who do we allow to decide this? Is it the people who use the education system as a stepping stone for corporate advancement? Is it people whose limited classroom experience prevents them from truly identifying with the grassroots teacher in the classroom? How can an administrator help if they really don’t understand or identify with my struggles? Many try, but the real question is what are we being trained to do? Regardless, we cannot blame them because they are doing the same as us, following the guidelines of a system that we do not really agree. Yet, many of us can hear the snake in the grass. The implementation of public education was to keep children out of the job market. Upton Sinclair's, The Jungle depicts the rigors of child slave labor in America. Now, I agree that children shouldn’t have to be subjected to work in those harsh conditions, so what do we want for them? Have we ever stopped and thought about what type of training or education would be required to produce well-rounded, happy human beings? Or, is the goal to simply compete?

However, these public schools trained the students to have "sufficient" knowledge and “critical thinking skills” to be a future worker in the new corporations of the Industrial Age. The tycoons of Carnegie Steel and Rockefeller's Standard Oil are the examples of corporations that funded public education and HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges & Universities). In the novel, Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison refers to the "unveiling statue," he states, "I wonder if the founder is removing the veil (symbolizing "ignorance") or making sure it’s firmly in place." Ellison alludes to his experiences at Tuskeegee University and questions the motives of his patrons, and their reasons for contributing money toward the poor man’s education. Simultaneously, I recall Spike Lee's message in the film, “School Daze.” His ending message to “Wake Up” resonates the conflict in Ellison’s The Invisible Man. The same question, “are we being trained or educated?” More importantly, if you don’t know the difference, then “wake up.” All in all, we still find ourselves chasing the proverbial carrot, while we are losing the real battle with our children.

I believe that we all have more power than we assume. To whom much is given, much is required, and yes, we must do what we have to do, so we can do what we want. Moreover, the speech I heard so much from teachers and community leaders was "go to school and you can be whatever you want to be." Therefore, I went to college to be educated, to be free, yet I, similar to many of my peers find our dreams mocked by the stress of making money and losing the thing that is most valuable--Time. If education is supposed to "free" us, then why do most of us feel "trapped" with our degrees and jobs? Why are our hands tied from doing what we know makes more sense than a rule or procedure? At one time, teaching African Americans to read was against the law, allowing African Americans to vote was against the law, but we identified them as unjust laws. St. Augustine understood that, "An unjust law is no law at all." If we feel that something is unjust, then WE decide to be reactive or proactive. Instead of being reactive, we must unify and decide proactively. It has been said that "The truth shall set you free." Nevertheless, if our education doesn't allow us to freely decide for our schools and communities, then are we truly free? And better yet, has what we've been taught the truth?

© C. Lynn Johnson

What's GoOD about Memphis?

Okay, I was at work searching for Memphis/Shelby County Statistics (demographics, crime, population, education, unemployment, etc.)  and ran across this site with people stating how they FEEL about Memphis. There was a mix of those who are native Memphians as well as those who were not. I am a native of this great city, but am I that naïve? I know Memphis is not perfect, and has Tons of cleaning up to do, but is this how the outside world sees us? Is this how we see us? This is disheartening. I feel like someone has spoken badly about a sibling or relative, which is completely unacceptable. So, I’m at a precipice…I know there are tons of comments copied below….some positive, mostly negative. This is not intended to be a “bring down,” but “is this really whats up?” type of thing. I guess I was wondering, is it just me? Had I been gone from Memphis too long? Or, are my eyes naive to the perils of my hometown? Furthermore, to place a positive light on things, I want to ask...to think about...How do you feel about OUR Memphis? I'll be the guinea pig and share first:

Yes, Memphis statistics are grim, to say the least, but there is good in Memphis. Yes, the predominant Black politicians have been identified as the culprit for the city’s direction and leadership. Yes, crime is high and is due to the large influx of minorities in the city. Yes, taxes are high and along with it gentrification is also alive and well. Yes, the “white flight” may have caused many of the jobs and money to leave the city. Yes, we have corrupt and racist police officers. Yes, we have a divided government and schools system that was predicated on race/ethnicity/economics. Yes, we have too many churches and not enough action. Yes, there gangs in the schools. Yes, there is unemployment. Yes, Yes, Yes!! And still, Memphis is good. Memphis has GoOD people who are not recognized in the community organizations, in the schools, in the city government, in corporations, in the neighborhoods, on the police force, in the churches, etc. I guess, the real issue is …like Dr. Martin L. King stated, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Yes, the city seems to be headed in the wrong direction, but I know there are GoOD people here, so where are they? Are all the GoOD people writing and talking about how “bad” Memphis has gotten or are they doing something? The city is growing and diversity is imminent, but fear is the only problem I see. I am not afraid to be in Memphis. Why? Some say it is because I am Black. Maybe, or maybe I just know my city. We only fear the unknown, so get to know your city! Your neighbors, even the ones who don’t look like you. Yes, there are GoOD people in Memphis. We work with them, have worked with them, live with and around them. They are our friends, our family...the man who picks up your trash, the woman that drives the MATA bus, the young men flipping on Beale St., the lady who protested for the rights of the poor/homeless for years in front of the Lorraine Motel, the teacher that uses their own money to prepare their classrooms, the man who holds a door open for you, the strange elderly woman who reminds you to smile, the struggling artists trying to sell music opposed to illegal substances, the father working to support his family, the children doing their best to avoid peer pressure, etc. Our city’s history is our legacy. Memphis is an old southern town. Large city with small town feel. Most crime/murders are between people that know each other or have a set vendetta. Rarely, do we have random murders/crime. We, the people of Memphis must change our attitude of our city if we want to see that positive change in our city. If attitude reflects leadership, then what does that say about us? If we are all leaders in some way, where is our rubber meeting the road? We are a city of legends and legacy. John McLemore, Marcus Winchester, do these names sound familiar? The names and labels we give to our streets, parks, buildings are not just for fun. These show our history, the people who did something. Tom Lee park is a testiment to how an ordinary person can do something extraordinary. Robert Church, one of the first African American millionaires in Tennessee, rescued the city of Memphis during the yellow fever epidemic. Julia Hooks, a music prodigy and educator, established a private school in her home after being disenfranchised with quality of education from the local schools. Mary Wright Robinson who chose a life of servitude and rarely compromised her freedom for the safety of the male dominated society. Stax Records was one of the first organizations to integrate..allowing both blacks and whites the opportunity to play and hear GoOD music. However, those that know Memphis history, know that it was institutionalized racism that destroyed Stax. So, our issues aren’t for the faint at heart. Dr. King was assassinated in Memphis as he was working towards gaining support for his “Poor People’s Campaign.” The problem in 1968 was poverty and inequities in job opportunities for minorities…really, how much of that has changed. Until we can see the GoOD in everyone and understand that individuality in a collective is necessary for growth and evolvement, we will remain deficient in the assets we seek to gain for our city. Memphis requires real leaders who undoubtedly LOVE this city. No stranger, outsider will lead her. By definition, a stranger is a person who is unacquainted with or unaccustomed to something; an outsider; a person with whom one has had no personal acquaintance. Aren't we taught at an early age to be cautious of strangers? Yet, in the south we welcome them. Yes, we welcome them into our culture. We must because that is apart of who we are. And like any other family, once you've been around long enough, you will be privvy to our skeletons, too. And that is okay because now the stranger becomes apart of our culture. It is only sad because many Memphians have such a strong opposition to the city that we infect that fear into the newcomers. I have met more people who have hope for Memphis, who weren't even born in Memphis. At times, people don't believe that I was born here. This is sad because I'm not sure how to take that comment. Is that I'm not good enough be from Memphis or the opposite? I desire for more Memphians to have a Love and Respect for our community. If we don't want to be here, why would anyone else? Therefore, the change must begin with us. The person in the mirror. We have to love ourselves, our city. our people. You have to LOVE those you serve, or it will be for naught. When music legends and social activists such as Julia Hooks, Aretha Franklin, Willie Mitchell, Dr. Benjamin Hooks, Jim Stewart, Estelle Axton, Elvis Presley, Maurice White, Bishop J.O. Patterson, A.W. Willis, W.C. Handy, Isaac Hayes, Ida B. Wells-Barnett, Robert R. Church, Al Green, Steve Cropper, Jesse H.Turner and more can be bestowed with the title, Memphian, I know that I am where I am supposed to be. Our lives are our story and it follows to illustrate the foundation of our Words. We, all, cannot flee to the suburbs of Germantown, Collierville, Cordova, etc…. somebody has to stay, to work, to model truth, integrity and fairness or is it easier to leave? Of course it would be ridulous to assert that one should never leave a place. Memphians should visit, travel and live other places, but return home. Even Henry Thoreau was a proponent of walking…seeing the land/nature/environment in which you live. Leave the bad and bring home the GoOD that will make our city. Complaining, worrying are all indicators of fear, and we have allowed fear to run our city far from the Greatness it is destined. With all the raw, natural talent (being a city rich in music history) that has come and is still in Memphis, I cannot believe the lack of faith that many Memphians in the “bible belt” have toward positive change. So yes, I’m a Memphian, yes, I love my city and maybe if those with the complaints and anger leave, the real GoOD people can filter through the mire, reveal the Truth and make it the great city it will be. Yet, I pray that the GoOD people of Memphis can and will reverse that negative thinking and remind those who have forgotten…that there’s GoOD in our city. …so…What do I love about Memphis?—Its people, southern culture and the pace of life. Life is too short to rush through it. So yeah, some may call Memphis (the south) slow, but we are simply taking our time. In the words of a former student, “I know what I want, so waiting ain’t nothing but a thing!”


Now, what do you like about OUR Memphis?

Following your Heart....

Listening to the desires of my heart is challenging in a world designed by others desires. Yet, as I get older, mature, seek wisdom and begin see GOD in everything, I realize that the one thing that I must do is follow my heart. As the times change and new information emerges to befuddle my brain, the paradigm I created for myself, or that was created for me, begins to change and rearrange into something that I can stomach for me to continue pursuing my dreams. The thing that we must choose is our righteous mind. Do what makes sense to you. Then modify and adjust. Some take baby steps while others risk it all jumping into the unknown. Trust yourself. Then modify and adjust. Mistakes will happen, life will happen, the constant and variable is You. You should know yourself, or make a decision to be the person you choose to be. If you can become the constant, then when life happens, you become better equipped and more prompt to modify and adjust to balance the equation of your life to have the peace you desire and have chosen to pursue.

It is a simple idea yet challenging to take a bird’s eye view or what I like to call a Godly perspective of your life when you are in it. It is not that easy, which is where we get the phrase, hindsight is 20/20. “Life is better understood looking backward, but you can only live it moving forward” (unknown). I was speaking with one of my good friends, Roderick, and the message he was passing to me was, to remain observant even while in the moment. I have few close friends and it’s due to my unfounded narcissistic and elitist tendencies from reading too many Danielle Steel novels, I’m sure, but I am picky about who I allow in my world. Why? Simply because it is my world, it is my safe haven from the inexplicable evils and uncertainties of the so-called real world. I know I am not the only person who does this. It is one of those things I conditioned myself early in life to do to survive my environment. Remember, as new information that conflicts with the previous information that you have determined was false, you most naturally will modify and adjust. Sometimes information can be powerful enough to change your whole world, values, beliefs and actions.

This is why it is so important to choose your friends carefully. I can best explain this using the words of one of my favorite artists, Erykah Badu, from her song Apple Tree, “I picks my friends like I picks my fruit, my ganny told me that when I was only a youth. I don’t walk around trying to be what I’m not, I don’t waste my time trying to get what you got. I work at pleasing me ‘cause I can’t please you and that’s why I do what I do.” Whoever you allow into your world, or your mind, will have an influence on you. You know what I mean. You hear people talk all day every day, but you choose to receive the information. Certain people have a bigger influence in our lives than others. It can be our friends, parents, boy/girl friend, teachers, siblings, etc. It is whoever can get inside your head whether you are conscious of it or not. Some time ago, I was having a conversation with my Patrick about how men pursue, seduce or simply ‘get’ women. His statement is no revelation, but sometimes a better word/description is created to describe an old thing and it makes it relevant again. He said it’s when a man gets a woman to listen to him when he knows he “got” her. Now, I hope your keen powers of observation have served you well as I placed quotations and/or italicized specific words for emphasis. I place emphasis simply because what does it mean to be “got”-ten. As an English teacher, my apologies, I’m conditioned to speak and write correctly to the best of my knowledge. To interpret his statement into what many, I’m sure, have heard before, which means that this woman becomes one of the women in that man’s life. He may not see her regularly, but he provides for her when she’s in need. And she gives him what he needs, which is usually nurturing or reassurance in his manhood because he can provide a need for her. When I state “provide,” it doesn’t necessarily denote money. It can be love, sex, conversation, attention, similar hobbies, etc. When a man can provide a need for a woman that no othr man has, yet, it gives him power, just as providing for the man something he lacks from his other women gives her power. Although polygamy is frowned upon in western culture, a similar thing occurs without the formalities of marriage. These other women become “chicks on the side” “mistresses” “f-buddies” “cut buddies” “shawtys” “hoes” “clean up women” we can call them any name we’d like, but it’s the pink elephant in the room. At least in other cultures, they attempt to make all women “respectable” by offering men the option to marry a woman you would like to have, keep or have gotten through their powers of persuasion in hopes to carry their seed, legacy and empower their manhood. And let’s face it, a manhood that is indirectly governed by women. I’ll make this caveat quickly before I return to my regularly scheduled program, and that is simply, women have the capacity to be smarter and use more percentage of our brain due to our emotional intelligence quotient and by the more important simple fact that men, well most men, love absolutely love pussy or the illusion of it because in our society and others, the number of women a man has at his disposal, beck and call, on his team….lends weight to his manhood. According to my favorite author, Hurston, “ …women are the mules of the earth.” As helpmate, our role is to help man from himself sometimes, which is usually something either directly or indirectly dealing with us [meaning women] and/or his attempts to gain our attention. Most women are natural leaders and workers and will “get things done” quicker and more efficiently. To put it in a different context, man is information and the woman is the operating system. Man inserts his idea(s), and woman nurtures and develops that idea into fruition, almost similar to the conception, development and delivery of a child. Now, let me put this into contemporary terms for my Hip-Hop fans, Beyonce describes man/woman functions in her song "Upgrade U":
I can do for you what Martin did for the people
Ran by the men but the women keep the tempo
It's very seldom that you're blessed to find your equal
Still play my part and let you take the lead role
Believe me
I'll follow [her man] this could be easy
I'll be the help whenever you need me
I see you hustle wit my hustle I
Can keep you
Focused on your focus I can feed you
This is my favorite verse of this song because she finds a hip way to describe the relationship she feels that she desires with her mate. Observe male/female relationships in nature as well as other cultures. Who usually runs the home, educates the children, cooks, cleans and works. In nature, the female spider mates with the male, then she eats him. The queen bee has thousands of male worker bees serve her. The lioness protects and feeds her cubs, she chooses her male mate, not the other way around. The male lion has the long mane of hair framing his face to attract the female lion. There is power and responsibility there. However, some humans choose to have the power without acknowledging any of the responsibility that comes with it. To whom much is given, much is expected [or required].

Woman has been given much power and ability, which means much, is expected or better yet required of woman. This is a major reason women are judged so harshly in society…in almost every culture…because of what man understands even if it is on a basal, unconscious level and that is women have the ability (I stated capacity earlier in this piece) to be smarter, but our emotions can make us stupid. If we could get pass our crazy hormones and emotions and be more logical, then we would have more control of receiving our desires. The major problem is women who fail to understand their power and unknowingly use it to tempt, deceive and beguile others. This is one reason we get the age old biblical and folk stories about woman (pronounced woe man) being the one who brought evil into the world. We have the quintessential Eve in the Holy Bible, Pandora from Greek mythology and I'm sure there are more. Man seems to have the power only because he understands this and has created systems to protect males from females. The feminine behavior can be seen as a dangerous thing if it is not in check. I know most women do not want to think about this, as I didn't, but I must acknowledge its validity, its logic. Whereas, the emotions, hormones and conditioned defensive behavior has already been triggered in woman to be offended, rather than read for logic. We, women, must acknowledge our power and use it for GoOD. If we want to be with a real man, then we have to learn to be real women. When we fail to realize who we are and our functions, it leads to the tug-o-war of feelings in our relationships because we fight for energy, power that we both [male and female] rightly have, but we just don’t understand how to use it. We must use it responsibly.

Some people are blessed in life to find one mate to provide their needs/desires, but some do not. However, the group that does not find it in one person may be in that group because of their choices and decisions. Did you live life on your terms, following your heart and trusting your instincts or someone else’s rules for your life? The goal is to not compete in a world designed to make you compete for jobs, girl/boyfriends, clothes, cars…..things or what I like to refer to as toys. Toys are things you play with to amuse, entertain or distract you. Now, do you use life or does life use you? If you live life and are observant and experiment and modify and adjust as necessary, then you will find all that you seek. Take a stance in living. I had to make that choice. Luckily, I had three older siblings who taught me. I learned from observation and their love. They showed me and I listened. I knew they loved me and had my best interest, so I listened. Well, maybe not so much to my middle sister because she was mean to me. Only when her advice was the precedent or when she revealed her softer side did I listen to her. Even in that example, I only chose to listen to her advice or words when she was nice to me or I had no other information to act upon. We listen to those who we trust or have been in our lives long enough to have an unconscious influence. The unconscious kind can be the worse because you aren’t aware that you are being influenced. It’s difficult to correct an undiagnosed problem, which is why it was important for me to choose my inner circle carefully. Of course we will meet all types of people who will be in our lives for a reason, season, time and purpose unknown to us until it happens. Moreover, it is important to remember that we can choose who receives time with us. Time + Energy= Influence

Once you arise from an ignorant state and begin to know something, you are accountable and must act accordingly. This is your time. Modify and adjust. What if polygamy was acceptable? Would that make the black marriage rate increase? Would that make women happier? What is it we seek, truly seek?Is it Love or honesty? Would you rather your husband/mate be honest with you about their needs/desires or do those things without your knowledge? Would you be okay with some of the Asian/African cultures of being number 1, 2 or 3 wife? Love is a contemporary phenomenon in marriage. Years ago people married for survival, whether that was survival of their lives, lineage, culture, status, etc. If you happened to grow to love that person, then that was a bonus.I make this addendum because I hear the male-female debate so often and as I grow and get older, I realize there is so much gray. I tend to be black and white with my views, but every once in awhile God surprises me with a gray situation and I must choose. I must decide again, what is it that I desire? Do I really want this? Is it worth it? What is its function in my life? What is the sin? The sin is usually the act that cannot be touched. The act of intention in your mind. It is the why? Why are you having an affair? According to the bible, is it because you covet? Covet means "to want somebody else's property": to have a strong desire to POSSESS something that BELONGS to somebody else. Now, if that is "the why" you are acting in that manner then you are committing a sin. I defer to some lyrics from Erykah Badu's song "Booty":

Hey, hey, hey
I don't want him cause of what he doin to you
And you don't need him
Cause he ain't ready
See I don't want him
If he ain't made no arrangement with you
I hope you would've done the same thing for me too

Simply, if you and your mate have problems communicating who I am or who he wants me to be to him, then I don't want him.."cause of what he doin to you" or how he's lying and cheating (cheating is defined by a type of deception, not the act of sex with another). If he's a real man, then he would be upfront with you and make an "arrangement with you." It is because I'm a real woman that I refuse to have an affair with your man and I'd "hope you would've done the same thing for me too." Now, that brings up all types of questions that I won't discuss in this chapter.

Everyone is created differently to desire different things, so we will not have to compete. GOD is so awesome that it is designed that way. Sometimes, it is challenging to listen to your heart in a world created by others. He created the earth, world, atmosphere, animals and humans to be in tune with nature, but we are so far away from that simplicity that who dares to state that they are sure of what the real world looks like. My definition of the real world is what GOD intended, seeking that which man has not touched, which is why I love sky gazing. It is part of the heavens that he cannot constantly dwell or own or control. However when/if man reaches the sun; it will be the death of him, but hopefully man will not reach that end. If we listened and followed our heart where would that lead us? Currently, our mainstream educational systems condition its participants to want certain careers/jobs. The corporations either directly or indirectly influence the school systems because curriculum is geared to teach skills for the current job market. It only makes sense, but that leaves the real educational portion to the family. School is for skills and training. Do not assume/allow for it to serve you or your child beyond those needs. Yet, due to broken homes, addictions, neglect and poverty, the school systems’ function is changing or at least it needs to modify and adjust. They must change either its function or its mission. They cannot do both and be a reputable institution for education. Education should hold the highest honor, but it does not in our society. If worth or value is determined by fiscal compensation, then where would educators be? Shoot, where would your profession be? Again referencing Erykah Badu, “If your knowledge was your worth then it would be well earned.”

So, let me remove myself from “how it ought to be” to “how it is.” There is a big difference, see they are different words. My “if statements” refer to how it ought to be, whereas my present tense statements refer to how it is. We must be careful in our discussion to make the distinction. Right now, things can be seen as “f-cked up” but that’s just how it is or how it was, but how can it be? We must focus on the solution rather than the so called problem. We are the problem and solution to our own problems. We must focus on what we desire rather than the things that make us unhappy. We make choices every day, so choose to be the person you want to be—the best person you can be….the GOD in you. If “heaven is heavy,” and “the devils on me two ton’s too” (L. Fiasco) then choose the GoOD in yourself. If doing either good or evil is equal in weight and have their crosses to bear, whether now or in the afterlife, why not choose the one that will help others, make you feel GoOD about yourself and life? GOD and satan both work equally hard to get your attention, but the question is who has your attention most of the time…because where attention goes, energy flows and that in itself lies your problem and solution. Even if you have the greatest of intentions, if it isn’t meant for you, just observe the signs and your life. Remembering the advice of my friend Roderick, observe your life while living in the moment. And yes, it’s difficult trying to be judicious in my decision-making while living and taking risks on life and love and career. Yet, the seed has been planted and I can only do the best I can and be the best person I can be, naturally, how I was created to be. And yes, I make mistakes, but I get right back up because if you get on that horse you gotta ride it.

Power for me came in accepting my decisions...being accountable. Yes, I did it, and yes, I understand that I broke the rule,okay, I'm ready for my punishment? Yet, it is important to pick your battles, and to know the consequences for your actions. Ghandi and King understood the consequences to their acts of civil disobedience. They prepared for it, but sometimes, you never really know the effects of your actions. It is important to think before you act. My niece, Nicole, is my favorite example of this, but I pray for her to discover and love Wisdom and tolerance to match her fearlessness towards punishment. At her school the children were taking turns riding the bicycle during playtime. When it became Nicole's turn to ride the bicycle, she didn't want to stop. As any good highly qualified teacher would do, she gave Nicole her options: A) to return to where the other children were coloring and drawing or B) go sit in time out until the end of playtime.As the story was reported to me, Nicole looked in either direction, stood and walked towards time-out. This story has become infamous only because how the teacher told the story to my brother. She was shocked that a child would choose time-out. Well, I guess she didn't quite know Nicole like she thought. Well, I guess its just knowing WHO you are and WHOSE you are that makes the difference in a person’s attitude. Her consequences weren't so bad, but I wonder she will navigate life as those choices become more challenging. So right now, I’m reflecting, meditating, praying, and debriefing my thoughts, which is why I have to write. I don’t write down nearly half the things that my mind dwells on daily. I think that is why I tend to be so verbose. I hold it in until my stomach or head aches, and that happens when I haven’t written in a long time. It’s almost like mental or emotional indigestion…what’s on my mind just gotta come out! Furthermore, I feel it is important for everyone to have an outlet, whether it’s jogging, playing a sport, dancing, writing, knitting, making pottery or something that allows you to release negative energy.

It is good to have GoOD people around you. I was always advised to surround myself with people smarter than myself. Why surround yourself with ignorant or stupid people for extended periods of time? Where attention goes, energy flows. If I give them my time, they will soon have my mind. Similar to a job, career or even school, who or whatever controls your mind for an extended amount of time and is getting your energy has a great influence of your thoughts and actions. Some jobs are so consuming that your personal life, including but not limited to family, friends, hobbies, etc., goes unchecked for weeks, months even years, yet we wonder why our lives are unfulfilling or unhappy. We must focus on the things/people we desire to have in our lives for our divine purpose. That divine purpose is your function or apart of your many functions, which is to help others and glorify GOD and his works. However, the problem becomes remaining connected to that GOD power, so you are able to work within your divine purpose. Remember, the devil has all types of good distractions. A church can be a distraction if its leadership isn’t connected to GOD. A family member can be a distraction if you aren’t connected to GOD. So, how do you know what to do? Trust yourself. Do what makes sense to you, which is what Thoreau refers to as our “righteous mind.” It is the place where the GOD in you dwells to keep you in your journey of your divine purpose. It is strong when we are young and pure, unscathed to the evils of this world, but as we get older we are trained or conditioned by family, school, media, etc. to mirror our behaviors to those of this world in order to survive, the same world that the bible cautions us to be observant. Yet, lacking a suitable alternative we consume the unclean water because we are thirsty. And I, too, was thirsty, but everyone’s odometer is different. Whereas many would continue to drink and become sick, there are many like me that said, this is making me sick. This new information leads me to question because I don’t understand it. Why am I sick? What can I do to change this situation? How can I be better than I am? What do I need to modify and adjust in my life? Only you know the antidote to your ailment. It all starts with listening to your body, asking yourself questions, trusting your instincts, not your fear, but your instincts and following your heart….